My mind was soaked in fear and I lied relentlessly on the bed for a whole week. I had blood clots in certain parts of the body and covered it with blanket day in and day out until they faded away. This is what happened when I forgot to book tickets for our trip this Saturday. The cost of denying for a holiday with his friends was endless arguments, constant swearing and physical abuse.
-Anonymous survivor of an abusive relationship
Relationships are all about love, care, understanding and sharing beautiful times. But sometimes the feelings of jealousy, anger, coercion, and solidarity come in with such strong force that it gets beyond acceptable. Anyone in love can take a lot of time to understand that they are with an abusive partner. Here are 8 signs of an abusive relationship to understand and make your way out of an abusive relationship! Abuse from a partner might also be a result of infidelity. Therefore, one can hire a private detective agency just to make sure of the situation.
1. Constant fear from your partner
If you are constantly living in a fear of disappointing your partner, pissing them off or not meeting their demands – it means there is something not right with your relationship. The mood and behavior of your partner break a lot of shackles inside you that does not feel right. It could be their way of talking, high pitch, threats or even domestic violence. Sometimes partners resort to showing their anger or disappointment through physical and emotional abuse. And this constant fear only puts your guards down to standing up for your rights. The best choice to make is to not be intimidated by the anger shown.
2. Verbal Abuse
Criticizing little things, saying cruel things, using cussing words, calling by ugly names and making you feel vulnerable in front of others are all signs of verbal abuse. Most partners make verbal abuse when they are in a bad mood and apologize for the same after the heat is gone. It is important to understand that abuse is still abuse. If the partner’s calling out and cruel words hurt you – it’s time to take a stand and make them stop it. Taking verbal abuse is not cool in any relationship.
3. Mood swings that become ‘your fault’
Your inability to predict your partner’s behavior or not understanding what they need at a certain moment – is not a duty. If your partner is angry at one moment blaming your inability to understand their moods and turns super sweet and caring at the other telling you that it is all because you did something that altered their mood – it’s emotional abuse. They will constantly abuse you and make up for it with their caring words. And it all comes down to you being faulty and spending time to mend things you didn’t ruin.
4. Asking for a change!
Change or coercion often begins right at the time of the relationship. They demand you to change some behaviors or let your guards down so that they can make their way into your life harder and faster. Asking you to change the way you wear clothes, your lifestyle, habits, and connections are about changing you as a person they would like to see. And if you don’t obey to it there comes demands, feelings of anger, resentment and more. Any sign of resentment from your partner when you are demanded anything but yourself is a sign that things can get worse in future.
5. When your partner keeps a tab on you!
If your partner is of a jealous kind or needs to know about all your whereabouts all the time – it’s not possessiveness, it’s controlling! The thin line of possessiveness is crossed when the partner makes sure that you are meeting the people they like, doing what they like and you are accused of being flirty or cheating with others without reason. Unknowingly you find your partner controlling on you so much that you take their permission for making your plans – is an abuse!
6. Dependency on your partner is a warning sign
Be aware when your partner is taking your responsibilities in the name of care. Sometimes these responsibilities make you dependent on them – that brings control. In the absence of your partner if you find yourself lost, disarmed or mentally/physically weak – it’s a sign that you are emotionally, mentally and physically dependent on them. Dependency on the partner can be an abusive way to control you!
7. Feelings of worthlessness
Does your partner make you feel worthless? Blame you on being irresponsible? Or make you feel stupid in the relationship? Your partner can blame on you for your behavior and unfulfilling nature. And this can get aggressive in all aspects of your life leading to more feelings of worthlessness. Before it shuns you off your self-respect and dignity it is best to stand up for yourself and let them know of their behavior. Many times, this feeling might put the victim into self-doubt and depression that leads to physical and mental instability.
8. Making you disconnect from your loved ones
If your partner is wary of you meeting your friends or family members – it is not a positive sign! A partner can make you disconnect from other loved people in your life and create isolation. This isolation helps them control you and take charge of your life. As the levels of dependency increase accompanied by constant fear – you can be pushed away from reality and made to feel alone. In these times, the partner becomes the only person in your life where you can freely go-to for all your needs. Meeting your friends and family will bring out the real picture for you helping you get the right path to a better life.
It is really difficult to acknowledge the abuse in a relationship when you are in love with your partner. But it is important to understand the ways in which your partner can humiliate, manipulate and control you. If you have been reading the signs silently and have been dealing with the abuse since long now – it’s time to stand up for you and bring about a change. Get out of any relationship that makes you anything but you!